Scripture: Luke 2:41–52
This month, we are talking about “All the Feelings!” Last week Pastor Matt mentioned different researchers who have studied emotions. Some say there are as few as 4 or 5 basic emotions whereas others found thousands of emotional experiences. In my reading this week, I turned to Brené Brown, an expert on the emotions of vulnerability and shame. In her research, she asked participants to name all of the emotions they could. Her research lasted for 5 years and involved over 7,000 people. What do you think was the average number of emotions people could list? Three—some form of happy, sad, and angry. The average person she surveyed could only list three emotions, but in her research, she came up with 150 emotions and experiences. So before we get into all of the feelings in this story about preteen Jesus at the temple, let’s use our imaginations and tell the story from only the perspective of one emotion.
Imagine if Anger took full control of the story:
Now every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up for the festival with bitterness and resentment. They didn’t want to travel to Jerusalem that year but a strong sense of obligation forced them to. When the festival ended they felt disappointment. All the effort the trip took didn’t feel worth it, so they started to return, annoyed about wasted days. But the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but his parents were unaware of this. Caught up in their angry thoughts and assuming that he was in the group of travelers, they went a day’s journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends, annoyed they had to make extra effort. When they did not find him, they were filled with anger and stormed back to Jerusalem to search for him.
After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Those who heard Jesus speak were angered that someone so young could have such deep insights, as listening to Jesus made them feel jealous and ignorant. When his parents saw him they were enraged, and his mother scolded him, “Child, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously looking for you.” Jesus felt angry at being accused of trying to hurt his parents on purpose, and snapped back at them, “Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” Joseph was tired and upset from the search and could not understand. He yelled, “But I am your father and you were not with me!” Mary stood next to Joseph and saw that her husband felt wronged, so she seethed and said, “How dare you say such upsetting things to your father.” They all left the Temple in a huff and bickered the whole way home to Nazareth.
Anger is an important emotion. It happens when we feel like something unfair or unjust has happened, when we have been wronged or mistreated. God experiences anger when injustice happens. As humans, anger can turn on extra protection modes that help keep us safe. In one of my favorite books, A Wrinkle in Time, Meg, the main character, gets angry often and sees it as one of her major flaws, but when she is sent on a mission to rescue her father, she is told to “stay angry, little Meg, you will need all your anger now.” Meg’s anger guides her to save her family. Brené Brown says that “anger can be a catalyst for change or a life sucking companion,” so “we need to transform anger into something life-giving.” We need anger to guide us to injustice but if our anger festers we will never be able to move forward and grow. Lord, lead us in our anger.
Now imagine if sadness took full control of this story:
Now every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up as usual for the festival. When the festival was ended, they were all sad. They did not want to say goodbye to family and friends and go back to normal life after high holy days. But, they headed back to Nazareth, tears streaming down their faces, unable to notice anything except the sadness that was weighing them down, but the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, and his parents were unaware of this. Assuming that he was in the group of travelers and too sad to notice anything else, they went a day’s journey. Then, they started to look for him among their relatives and friends. When they did not find him, another wave of deep sadness overtook them. Mary began weeping and Joseph became somber and silent. Both were afraid of what might have happened to Jesus and both felt guilt that their own sadness prevented them from noticing Jesus was missing. They returned to Jerusalem to search for him, distraught.
After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. When his parents saw him they wept in relief, their boy was okay, and his mother said to him, “Child, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously looking for you.” Jesus noticed their sad faces and red, puffy eyes from so many tears, and tried to comfort them, saying, “Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” But in their sadness, Mary and Joseph did not understand what he said to them. Mary was grieving that her first born felt old enough to be in Jerusalem by himself. Joseph had known that this moment would come, that Jesus would turn from him, his earthly father, and towards his heavenly Father, but he had hoped it wouldn’t happen this soon, so tears welled up in his eyes as he realized that the moment had come. Jesus loved his parents deeply, and felt their sadness. While he was sad that they were sad, he was unsure of what to do because he was growing up and he could not stay their little boy forever, but he went back to Nazareth and was obedient to them, and his parents continued to feel sad each time they noticed Jesus acting more and more like a man and Mary held each tear in her heart.
Sadness is part of the human experience. Inside Out was made to show that sadness leads to connection. It became a beloved movie because it told people that we need sadness in our lives, that it’s okay to be sad, and that’s a message our emotionally-stunted culture needs to hear. Brené Brown’s research shows that sadness helps us evaluate our circumstances and decisions, it can form compassion and empathy for others, and it leads us to seek support from others. Sadness moves us to other feelings and places. Perhaps our sadness can move us to God and God’s sadness can move God closer to us. We need sadness to form connection and compassion with one another. Lord, lead us in our sadness.
Now imagine if only positive, happy emotions drove this story:
Now every year his parents eagerly anticipated their trip to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up, excited as usual for the festival. When the festival ended, they started to make the journey back home with joy in their hearts from the connections they made with friends, family, and with God during the festival. But the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, caught up in the excitement at the Temple, and his parents were unaware of this. Assuming that he was in the group of travelers, they went a day’s journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends. When they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem, excited to be in the Holy City again. They weren’t very worried about Jesus. “Everything always works out!” was their saying.
After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him they were astonished and filled with joy at seeing their son speaking so wisely, and his mother said to him, “Child, I’m so glad you got this opportunity to spend more time in the Temple, listening, learning, and having discussions with the Temple teachers, but your father and I—while we knew everything would work out—were wondering where you were. Why didn’t you tell us you were going back to the Temple?” He said to them, “Why did you wonder at all? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” But they did not understand the true meaning of what he said to them. Instead, they were just happy that everything worked out, like it always does, and that they were reunited with Jesus. They were always happy for a reason to be at the Temple, and they were glad that they got to hear Jesus amaze others with his thoughts and questions. Jesus went down with them and came to Nazareth and was obedient to them, and his mother treasured each happy memory in her heart.
We all benefit from happiness, but many of us struggle with happiness. We search for happiness in the wrong things and wonder if it’s okay for us to feel happiness when bad things are happening in the world. As a kid, I was taught that happiness is temporary, but Christians have lasting joy, so I thought that meant that happiness was superficial. But I have come to believe that God wants us to experience happiness. Happiness may be circumstantial, but it is part of the good life God created for us. Lord, lead us in our happiness.
We’ve been on an emotional ride, using our imaginations to experience the story of preteen Jesus in the temple from the point of view of anger, sadness, and happiness. The average three emotions people can name. But all of the stories felt a little extreme and off kilter, right? That’s because most of the time we are feeling more than one emotion at a time and we need more than three emotions. Not all of our emotions are easy, but they are all important and all have a job to do. Emotions help us process and experience the world around us.
So let’s try this story one more time, using our imaginations to embrace all the feelings:
As was tradition, every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up as usual for the festival. When the festival ended, they all felt a little sad to say goodbye to friends and family but they also had a renewed sense of peace and joy from celebrating the festival. So they started the trip back to Nazareth. But the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, and his parents were unaware of this. His parents trusted Jesus and the other people they were traveling with, so they just assumed that he was in the group of travelers, and they went a day’s journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends. When they did not find him, they became afraid. What might have happened to him? And they felt guilty for not realizing sooner that Jesus had not been with the group. So, in a panic, they returned to Jerusalem to search for him.
After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard Jesus were amazed at his understanding and his answers but they were also amazed at the authority he spoke with and the peace and love Jesus emanated. If someone so young had such great insights, they wondered what great things he might do as an adult. When his parents saw him they were astonished—Jesus wasn’t hurt or lost. He was sitting with the Temple leaders and holding deep conversations with them like he belonged there. Feelings of relief and pride washed over them as they found him, but they also were exhausted and some anger lingered after such an anxiety-provoking experience. His mother said to him, “Child, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously looking for you.” Seeing his parents’ reactions—the worry in their bodies, the relief in their faces, and experiencing this scolding right in front of the Temple teachers he had been impressing, Jesus was unsure what to feel or say. Emotions quickly ran amuck in his brain—genuine surprise and confusion that his parents had been looking for him, embarrassment that his parents yelled at him in front of the teachers, guilt that he seemed to be the cause of their emotional distress. Not sure what to say or think but knowing he needed to respond, he quickly blurted out to them, “Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”
But his parents did not understand what he said to them. Emotions ran through their minds, too—frustration that Jesus seemed to think his actions were obvious and logical, sadness as another moment showed their boy growing more into a man, and confusion and anger over his comment about being in his Father’s house. But then Mary and Joseph looked at one another. They had known moments like this would happen, moments that would show he was different, he was more than just a human. But most of all, the parents felt intense love for their son at this moment. He was safe. He had not been harmed but was amazing others with the intellect they got to experience everyday. They could all go home. With humility, Jesus went back to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them, and his mother treasured all these things in her heart, unsure of what they meant, while also knowing something significant had happened that she did not want to forget.
Emotions are part of the human experience, but somewhere along the way, we have become afraid of our feelings, especially negative ones. However, to experience the fullness of life, we need access to a wide range of emotions. Anger tells us something is wrong. Sadness moves us to connection. Awe enables us to marvel at the world. Confusion invites us to learn and explore. Happiness reminds us that God created life to be good. Research has found that having a larger vocabulary around our emotions helps us better regulate our emotions. I’ll be the first to admit that learning to feel, name, and manage all the feelings isn’t easy but it is important work that will help us understand ourselves, one another, and God better and I am thankful to be a part of a congregation that is willing to think about this work together.
Leave a Reply